It would be understandable if you picked up Crash Tag Team Racing and thought to yourself, "Oh, no. Yet another derivative kart racing game with Crash Bandicoot," but in this case, you'd be wrong. Not because the gameplay isn't generic and uninspired, because it is, and not because it doesn't feature Crash Bandicoot, because it does. No, you'd be wrong because the one thing really lacking in Crash Tag Team Racing is, bizarrely enough, the racing.

Sometimes Leftovers Just Aren't Appetizing

Though not exactly rife with innovation, the Crash Bandicoot franchise has always delivered solid, if predictable, gameplay. The platformers are by-the-numbers collect-a-thons chock full of the usual suspects: boxes (both to bust open and shove), switches, water hazards, cutesy enemies, and sassy superstar with sneakers as the centerpiece. Crash's previous foray into racing, Crash Nitro Kart, did everything a kart racer is supposed to do: there were boost pads and weapon pick ups and different characters from the Crash universe to use as your driver. Absolutely no surprises, but the gameplay mechanics always worked well and there were enough splashes of humor and good intentions thrown in to keep most of the games from truly sucking. For this newest game in the series, I get the feeling that Radical wanted to branch out, but were afraid to mess with their tried and true formula too much, so instead they decided to do a hybrid game. As a result we get the kart platformer, or the platforming racer…or something.

The story goes a little something like this: Ebenezer Von Clutch, theme park owner and Colonel Klink impersonator, is in desperate need of help. It seems that…oh, lord…bear with me…sigh…the power gems that run his theme park have gone missing, including the Black Heart gem that keeps him alive. The Black Heart is hidden somewhere in the park, but Crash and his buddies will have to collect enough power gems to get the various sections of the park up and running in order to find it. I feel dumber just writing that all down. Well, it's a racing game, after all, I guess I shouldn't expect War and Peace for a plot. I won't be a spoiler and tell you what all the sections of the park are like, but I'll give you a hint…there's lava! Ok, so the design of the Lands in the park (Mystery Island, Happily Ever Faster, and so forth) is neither exciting nor new, but it does offer something most other kart racers don't: foot travel. This is where the platforming element comes in. Crash walks around the Midway and the subsections of the park, collecting coins, buying new outfits, playing mini-games, and completing missions given to him by the other contestants in the races. There are no enemies to speak of, so it's mostly just item collecting and exploration, but there are a few truly inspired touches added just for fun. Hidden around the environments are hot spots that cue sight gags, as well as the "Die-o-Ramas," which are 34 different ways for Crash to die. Sounds a bit grisly, I know, but it's all done in classic toon style and humor, and is far more fun than the rest of the platforming gameplay. At first, only one area, Mystery Island, is open, and Crash has to collect enough gems to open up subsequent sections. Gems are found lying around, or earned by winning races, which brings us to the kart part of the game.

Bandicoots, start your engines! And…Clash?

Each section of the park has several race tracks stashed within it, and each track has five different race types to win, including straight up races, timed laps, and "hit all the target" challenges. Winning the races earns coins and gems, giving Crash access to new areas, outfits, or cars. For the most part, the racing is by the book, with so-so track design and some goofy weapons and power-ups, but the supposed selling point of the game, I guess, is Clashing. During a race, Crash can merge his car with one of his opponents, forming a two-man car with a big ol' gun turret on it. The type of gun you get depends on with whom you've chosen to Clash, but options include a hot rivet gun, a rocket launcher, and a sticky lightning gun. It's a relatively neat idea on paper, but in practice, it's clunky and awkward, and not really very much fun. Since races are very winnable without resorting to using ordnance, it's easiest just to skip it altogether.

The problem with Crash Tag Team Racing isn't that it does anything wrong, it's just that it's misleading. If I buy a game with "Racing" right in the title, I don't expect to be jumping around, collecting coins, or completing fetch quests in order to advance. I expect to, well, race. I'm just old-fashioned, I guess. Kids will probably find the cartoony graphics and sight gags funny enough to justify the asking price, but anyone else should give this a pass.